Just mADE A PArabola og urine
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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