What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
