did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
