I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
