This is not my ceiling
so explain again why im purple
no
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
