you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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