i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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