I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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