He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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