Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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