Don't you send me to vm
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
