one word: firstdatebathroomanal
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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