your room smells of hookers.
And success
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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