Your tits are I can't wait for
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
