Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
