I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
