She's JV to your varsity
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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