Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
