Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
