I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Barsexuality is the new black.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
