dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
