Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
