sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
