I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
