we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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