i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
