I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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