he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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