Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
