His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
