i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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