So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die, sorry about rent.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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