Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
