Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
