conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
