I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
