White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
