I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
