My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
