we have officially lost it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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