Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i need some magic done to my vagina
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
