Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
