Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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