I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
