I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
