Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
