I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
