Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
