If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sext me about skeletons
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
