Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
