There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
